The world is like a mirage — an illusion. It's hard to tell reality from fantasy.
Maybe what I'm saying sounds tangled. The truth is, I hate the ambiguity that hides my heavy heart. Wearing a friendly face, putting on a mask, pretending to be okay — it's exhausting, like searching for a black cat in a dark room. The future is uncertain, and I can't predict the turns my life will take. Lately, I've been through a lot, and I have to admit: I've let go of things I used to hold dear. Three words sum up my current state: boredom, jealousy, and emptiness.
I've spent a long time trying to understand my relationship with Bunny. In the end, I realized it was pointless. Our friendship was too ambiguous. I'd crossed the line between friendship and something more.
Bunny is precious to me — I cherished her like a unique treasure. But she wasn't my girlfriend. That's the crux of it. And it was too awkward to admit. If I interfered too much in her life, I'd be in the wrong. And honestly, I did interfere. I was selfish and cowardly. I told myself time would heal everything — that sounds like a cruel joke now. Adult fairy tales hide too much harsh reality. Kids grow up someday. When I lost my naivety, everything changed. I'm nothing to her now. Her emotional world is none of my business. I don't want to be a clown. I despised myself for being the kind of person who reads chat histories, who hated hearing another man talk about her in victorious tones.
At the end of June, I think I finally figured out how to settle the chaos inside me. I'm saying goodbye to my eternal nightmare and insomnia. Thanks to that man, I found clarity.
Friend is friend.
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